I'll use sheet music as a guide to where the notes/lyrics should be. When playing a hymn, every lyric has a note, in gospel the lyrics stay the same but the notes sometimes changes depending on the singer. I've learned both methods and when I'm playing I don't use a number system. Lets take the song "Praise Him" in the key of Eb. When I approach a song I use my system of melody, chord and progression techniques so that I can build around the song. If you've watched my videos you will see that technique in action.
Example #1
lyric line - praise him /chord,progresson or run / praise him / chord, pattern run, arppegio run or chord/ praise him
Now before I even start to play I envision the lyric first, the note second and what I want to hear around the note last. This is done throughtout the entire song as I'm playing. Yes, if you're thinking thats impoosible you are correct. For me it's automatic, I concieve it, my mind transmits the thoughts to my fingers and then I play it. I often think 3 - 5 chords ahead of the song so when I get there I know which phrase/chord/run/pattern I'm going to use.
What you have found is that no two musicians think alike at the same time. When I play with my brother I have to scale back on my technique and cue in to what he's doing. Most musicians want to be the "lead" player. I've learned how to be a good follower first and lead when neccessary. I don't know how you're practice sessions go but I might suggest you find out what are favorite keys, favorite songs and favorite musician they would like to emulate. It may help in making the musicians more comfortable when you're making suggestions as it relates to playing in ministry. I know I can watch Richard Smallwood play all night, learning his technique of classical and jazz around gospel songs. Find some youtube videos they might enjoy watching and learning from (screen them first though).
Oh, my example above you might want to see what goes on in my head. OK
lyric - ..praise him/chord pattern, decend,climb split fingers...../praise him
note - ..Eb.....Eb............................ ...................................G... ...G
chord - F G Bb Eb...Gb Ab B, D/ G B G , E/ G C G, F/ G D G.......Bb D Eb G
bass - ..G..............Ab........G........... .A..........B...................C
This is a qucik snapshot of how I visualize how I want to play around lyric/melody. I said earlier I have 3-5 patterns pre selected before I get to the song and I choose which one at the time I play it. Yes like a computer I have stored up all the songs I've played and the patterns in those songs so that I can use them in other songs. Thats why I don't use the number system, I would have to change my appoach to playing.
This is why I stress learn your scales, chords with inversions and progressions in every key. When you have a full bank music to pull from you'll never be "broke for a chord".