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Author Topic: ghetto christians  (Read 12018 times)

Offline B-3_trainee

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ghetto christians
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2006, 09:38:12 AM »
If your pastor runs out of anointed oil and grabs some old grease from the church fish fry.

If your trustee also runs numbers for Big Al.
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EMAMASHATA

Offline BBoy

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ghetto christians
« Reply #41 on: January 25, 2006, 09:10:26 PM »
Your church might be ghetto if:

You send out invitations to an afternoon program that you want to start at 3 pm, so you know that you have to put 2:30 on it so people will show up by 3:15.

Your guest choir was thirty minutes late and they get mad if you don't let them sing. No they weren't trying to find the church because they are three blocks away from you.

Your mother's board have faith to cast out any demon and live in the roughest neighborhood, but they need the chruch van to drive fourteen hours to convocation because they are scared to fly for ninety minutes.

If your members step outside the church and go down to Mom-n-dem's for some fried chicken, Kool-Aid and a nap before you got to be back at 6 for YPWW.

If you go out to Ponderosa after church and get the buffet and the waiters and waitresses groan when they see your group coming in.

Divorce is running rampant, but your deacon board fervently prays that the saints be protected against anthrax powder, the bird flu, mad cow disease and whatever other news they saw on TV last night.

If your ministers know the basketball teams in the playoffs, but don't know any Scripture and all and stay mad at the pastor because they don't get a chance to preach.

If your choir robes are kept in a closet that smells like curl activator, hair grease and that oil they mix with cologne.

Your van driver isn't licensed to drive anything other than his car.

Everyone that can halfway preach is called, minister or evangelist, missionary or elder, but to tell the truth no one really knows who is actually ordained and who isn't . . . and goodness knows where they got that ordainment from.

You have a staff of missionaries and no one knows the last time any of them every set foot outside your church (doesn't missionary mean someone who goes out and carries the Gospel?)

Visiting evangelists stay at the pastor's house, but not because they want to . . . they stay there because that is the only place they can afford to stay on the offering they are getting. After the meeting is over, they have to fill up their gas tank with a credit card.

Be Blessed, everyone
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Offline Pajarita

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ghetto christians
« Reply #42 on: January 26, 2006, 09:27:07 PM »
Quote from: SisterT
You are a ghetto Christian if you pray and thank God that "your bed wasn't your cooling board nor your blanket your winding sheet " don't know what da heck a cooling board and winding sheet is.  :lol:

You are a ghetto Christian if your Sunday morning worship outfit doubles as your "clubbin' gear".  :lol:

You know you are a ghetto Christian if you look like a busted can of biscuits in the above described outfit!  :lol:  Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you got to wear it! LOL!!  :lol:


Three words, SisterT:  Mm, mm, mm.   :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
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Offline gtsjames

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ghetto christians
« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2006, 01:16:23 PM »
Quote from: Pajarita
Quote from: SisterT
You are a ghetto Christian if you pray and thank God that "your bed wasn't your cooling board nor your blanket your winding sheet " don't know what da heck a cooling board and winding sheet is.  :lol:

You are a ghetto Christian if your Sunday morning worship outfit doubles as your "clubbin' gear".  :lol:

You know you are a ghetto Christian if you look like a busted can of biscuits in the above described outfit!  :lol:  Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you got to wear it! LOL!!  :lol:


Three words, SisterT:  Mm, mm, mm.   :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
I thought it was Mmm, mmm, good.... oh wait, my bad, thats campbells soup  :)  :)
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Offline silky

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ghetto christians
« Reply #44 on: February 04, 2006, 03:55:16 PM »
Quote from: B-3_trainee
If you got a Deacon thats been married to 2 or more of the Mothers.

If when you have Baptism you and your kids show up with beach towels, swimsuits and a cooler with huggie juices and yall tryin to cook out.


This is too much :lol:  :lol:
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Offline silky

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ghetto christians
« Reply #45 on: February 04, 2006, 03:59:46 PM »
Quote from: B-3_trainee
If your pastor runs out of anointed oil and grabs some old grease from the church fish fry.

If your trustee also runs numbers for Big Al.


or the preacher will get some baby oil if there is no fish fry grease
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Offline antzlck

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ghetto christians
« Reply #46 on: February 04, 2006, 06:05:18 PM »
You walk in church LATE of course, with your bible ON TOP YOUR HEAD, go and sit right at the front, before you sit down you do a little spin.  LOL I've seen this done. HAHA.
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Offline SisterSteinway88

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ghetto christians
« Reply #47 on: February 06, 2006, 10:48:55 PM »
Y'all know I have to put in my two cents:

Is it ghetto when your church band regularly inserts clips of popular secular songs in all the vamps of the choir selections?

Is it ghetto when your church had it's keyboard stolen. . . twice . . . and you believe it was by the same person?

Is it ghetto when your pastor and the current first lady who's also an ordained minister have both been previously married more than once and then get a divorce and fight over who's going to get custody of the church?

Or

Is it ghetto to run out between services to buy more stockings because the ones you put on at home had a run in it and you knew it then but you were running late so you played it off by "noticing" right after the first service that you had a run in your stockings?

....cuz if all that is ghetto, then we're REALLY ghetto at my church. :oops:
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Offline allonesound

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ghetto christians
« Reply #48 on: February 10, 2006, 03:40:46 PM »
Omigosh this iz 2 funny. and lilmanofgod had me rollin!!!!

I got one this happend

A lady who often visits for night services: got in a car accident (after the Lord blessed her with a car that she prayed for) started speaking in toungs > i wish i wouda bought a hyundai, shouda bought a hyundai < over and over again....
this same person will start shouting after all the music is over and we about to go home
this same person will "back it up" (her shout of choice) into anyone close to her and one night service knocked over a bench fell out on the floor then got up after she realized no one was paying attention to her!!!
Wow she needs Jesus in a serious way
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Offline lilmanofgod

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ghetto christians
« Reply #49 on: February 10, 2006, 03:52:53 PM »
glad i could b of service allonesound.
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Offline jayzflite3

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #50 on: February 21, 2006, 09:21:02 PM »
If your church uses the offering table for a keyboard stand
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Jay#21

Offline soldieranointed

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #51 on: February 22, 2006, 04:12:17 PM »
Yall got me in the library rolling!  I'ma need for yall to quit!!!!  LOL!!!
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Offline soldieranointed

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #52 on: February 22, 2006, 04:16:15 PM »
:oYall got me in the library rolling!  I'ma need for yall to quit!!!!  :D  LOL!!!
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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #53 on: February 23, 2006, 08:32:46 PM »
This is too funny.  :D  I can't remember laughing this hard.



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Offline MODERN_DRUMMER

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #54 on: February 23, 2006, 08:56:10 PM »
lol lol lol lol this is tooo much~!
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Offline 3rd-Day

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #55 on: February 24, 2006, 07:40:59 AM »
If you come to church and drop your kids off in childrens church then ease out the door like you left something in your car and leave and dont come back until [real eloquent co-pastor voice]"Let the saints of God say Amen, Amen again, You are dismissed!!! We will see you on Wednsday. Be blessed!!!!!!!"....................................... .......................You are more than ghetto! You need to be beat with a shoe. One of them griffin white, leaned to the side slip on with the curled up odor eater, usher shoes.  ;D ;D
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Offline 3rd-Day

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #56 on: February 24, 2006, 07:50:52 AM »
Quote from: silky on February 04, 2006, 03:59:46 PM
Quote from: B-3_trainee
If your pastor runs out of anointed oil and grabs some old grease from the church fish fry.

If your trustee also runs numbers for Big Al.

or the preacher will get some baby oil if there is no fish fry grease
Or he grabs a bottle of Hot Sauce by mistake ;D ;D ;D ;D You cant have a Church Dinner without no Hot Sauce!!
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Im too tall to act small.

Offline B-3_trainee

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #57 on: February 24, 2006, 10:55:57 AM »
I'm Back

If your youth dept. jumps in new members.

If people get sick after the fish fry cause the fish was bad.

If your pastors robe is nomore than a old bedspread.

If your first kiss was on the church van.LOL

Yall Is Ghetto
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EMAMASHATA

Offline lumbebear1

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #58 on: February 24, 2006, 11:28:48 AM »
YALL Keep em coming................................. ...laughter is good medicine[/color]
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Offline soldieranointed

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Re: ghetto christians
« Reply #59 on: February 24, 2006, 04:50:15 PM »
Quote from: 3rd-Day on February 24, 2006, 07:50:52 AM
Quote from: silky on February 04, 2006, 03:59:46 PM
Quote from: B-3_trainee
If your pastor runs out of anointed oil and grabs some old grease from the church fish fry.

If your trustee also runs numbers for Big Al.

or the preacher will get some baby oil if there is no fish fry grease
Or he grabs a bottle of Hot Sauce by mistake ;D ;D ;D ;D You cant have a Church Dinner without no Hot Sauce!!

Hot Sauce!  that Pastor really wants some chicken!  That's all that was, that's all that was  :D
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Much Luv!  Sista Starra
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