PERSONAL ADVISE?.... WARNING: NOT DIRECTLY ABOUT MUSIC

[nrbrown80]

I think I'm more looking for your views and experience than ADVISE...

I've me this guy, and I have never ever FELT like I've been in a live, in action destiny moment until now...

let me tell you the story...

I have been hanging out with he some mutal friends for just a short while now, and I never really looked at him outside that context and the music ministry (he's in my choir). Plus- he's skinny as a rail, and I like muscles  
Every time I would come around, he was always talking about his wife and how he would love her, and his dreams and vision, and The Word, and this, and that. It's not like I would come around and THEN he would start talking about all this stuff. It's more like I would walk in the door and he would be on the phone talking about it, or he'd already be conversing about it with whoever was there. In my mind, I'm like, "Man, talk is cheap". I have NEVER liked to be around people who talk to much about what they're gonna do for that simple reason. I generally just stop listening and watch. But somehow, I CANNNNOT get this man out of my head or my heart. Not that I have really tried, but...

We have never actually talked/had a conversation until this past Friday night.... I am so overwhelmed, it's scary!

I feel like i really love this man, and I don't even REALLY know him. It's like the more we talk, the more I feel like my destiny is all wrapped up in this thing. I have NEVER EVER EVER felt like this. I can't sleep, my stomach feels all funny, my heart flutters endlessly, and I loose my breathe!!!  It's not like, "oh my gosh, he's so fine" like back in the day when I wasn't living for God.  It's more like our destinies are lined up like two puzzle pieces fitting together... I can't even see the rest of my life without him. Yesterday- I couldn't even see today without him! And the funny thing is: He feels the same way. I know this because HE TOLD ME!!  

When he told me, I wanted to bust wide open! But I tried (and succeeded) at keeping it cool and mature. This was at about 10PM last night. Then I just couldn't sleep. For thinking about this thing.  I was just like, "God, if I'm not sleep in FIVE MINUTES, I'm just gonna call him and quit trying to act all cool and sophisticated and stuff and tell him how I feel, too."

Needless to say, I wasn't sleep in 5 minutes.

So I called and told him, and now I feel like I'm in a destiny moment.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE SO SURE SO FAST OF SOMETHING THIS BIG?
HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER GOTTEN MARRIED QUICKLY?
DO I SOUND LIKE A KID? (fyi- im 24    :lol:  :wink: )

[kadman92]

God can destine two people to be married.  I believe that for me and my wife.  I won't go into the details right now but here is how quick things can happen.

We met casually at my friends wedding.  Then later when my friend envited me to church(I had never gone in my adult life) at a low point in my life.  Church was great and then I met this beautiful woman, a single mother with a 5 year old daughter.  She wasnt' lookin for a man nor was I looking for a wife.  We had an introduction date after talkin on the phone.  The date was October 28th of 1994..... we were married December 19th 1994.  Less than two months God joined us as one.  We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary this December and I hope to be able to do something special on our meeting anniversary October 28th.  We now have 2 more kids, the oldest is now 15, I have a daughter who is 9 and a son who will be 5 in December.  God has truly blessed me with a good woman.

[BBoy]

Oh, so ya think it is LOVE, hunh?  :wink: All of those emotions are from God. We don't want you losing your breath and passing out (what good would you be for the Kingdom then?   ) so I guess you'd better do something while you are waiting to exhale.    What to do next?

1. Well, first of all pray and ask God for a Holy Ghost perspective. Look up Scriptures in the Word about courtship and what God requires. The Word is full of direction for courtship in a godly manner.

2.  Do you have a sister in the Lord (preferably a bit older) who is filled with the Holy Ghost and seasoned in the Word and in a happy marriage relationship herself? Can you talk to her and pray with her? Ask God to send someone like this your way . . . and yes, she must fit all three requirements . . . . PLEASE, PLEASE sister . . . don't take advice from the unsaved, don't take advice from anyone who doesn't know the WORD even if they are saved, and don't take advice from an unhappy, unfulfilled saint.  If you must, contact one of the stronger sisters on this board, like JoyCH or Sister T or Reddgirl.

3. While you are waiting, check yourself. Are you out of debt, or at least on your way to being out of debt? Paying your bills on time? Can your keep a straight house, cook? Do you have any idea how to take care of children? What would you bring (savings, furniture, talents, homemaking skills) to a relationship?Now I am not saying this to get you in a marriage frame of mind, but these are skills that you will want even if Bro Hometown ISN'T the one for you.

4.  While praying and asking God for direction, and preparing yourself, you need to check this guy out like you are a dectective or something. Is he a talker, or a walker? Does he attend church regularly? What does his pastor think about him? Does he tithe and give? Where does he work, has he completed his education? And yes, what does he drive? How does he take care of his money? You would be amazed how quickly broke people can fall out of love. Is he so skinny because he can't afford to eat? (Joke . . . I'm just playin'   ) You say he talks about the WORD. You are right, talk IS cheap. Listen sister, I'm talking as a Bible teacher myself with a bit of experience under my belt . . . people who talk about the Word very rarely actually KNOW it. Take your time and see if he is for real.  

5. Finally, take your time. If this is God, there is no need to rush because God isn't going to change His Mind. You can enjoy a wonderful courtship full of memories . . . if not with this guy, with someone else that God has for you. If it is not God, prayer and godly counsel will reveal it so, and don't give yourself away emotionally to someone who is not for you.

Take care, and know that we at LGM love you and are praying for you. Run, don't walk, to the prayer closet and to a godly woman who can counsel you.    

Be Blessed  

[T-Block]

Hey, I know exactly what you are talking about. I am kinda in that situation right now with this girl I know.  Me and her grew up together in the same church and we became best friends. I wasn't really looking at her like I wanted to get with her, but I did notice her smile. So, we was friends for years and we talk about everything there is to talk about. One day, we was out bowling and hagging out, then she put her arm around me like friends do when they sit next to each other, and all of a sudden, I just got this warm feeling all over me. I had never felt anything like that before. I had butterflies in my stomach, my mouth got real dry, and I was shaking a little bit. I was like, "what in the world is wrong with me?" I thought I was getting sick or something, but I know what it is now. I haven't told her about it cuz I don't know if she feeling the same as me. I sort of have this feeling like she really is the one for me, but then again I am not really sure.  

Anyways, I say just go with your feelings and see where it leads. I guess now I am going to follow my own advice and see how she feel about me.

[divinemusician]

What BBoy said was good but I feel like this, you will never be financially stable to enter into a marriage because you will never have enough, but I feel that if this is who God has called you to be with and both of you walk according to God's perfect will, He will order your steps in all aspects of life. I say pray and if you feel and know that this is who God has called you to be with, talk to your pastor, don't put PEOPLE in your business, keep what goes on with the both of you between the both of you and God because People will kill you with what they think and things, but you talk to your pastor, from what he says and God says go from there, if all this is of God and your pastor is working in the will of God, then he wont turn your wrong.

Also, just because God shows us who our partners are in life don't mean he wants us to marry in the next five minutes. So spend time with God and see when it is your season. or should i say both of yalls season. also I am single but I bet you I can tell you about some things in a marriage life, I don't like the fact that just because you are single people think you are stupid on marriage life, well i tell you what, i read the same Bible as a married couple and I am preparing myself for my husband (whoever that is) and just as God speaks to the married he speaks to the single, now I say that to say this, don't just exclude the single because God can work through them. yes, make it your business to view and talk to positive married couples that is the best way but don't think just because some one is single they are not good or use for you to talk too. You would be shocked at what God shows me about marriage and things. oh well I have ran my fingers talk to you later and May God show you and this young man his will for the both of your lives

[4hisglory]

People have already said some good stuff.  Here is my .02 1/2 centers

1.  Be honest.  Make sure you are yourself, not just saying stuff that you think we make him/her happy.
2.  As Bboy already meantion. make sure you are financially fit.  I feel this is very important (even with single people).  When me and "The Red One" got married, we literally didn't have 100 bucks to our name.  We didn't want to be living from pay check to pay check 5, 10, 20 years from then so we basically didn't buy anything for an entire year and applied the money to the debt.  I once heard a good defintion about wealth.  It is measured in time, not money.  How long can you live if you stopped getting a paycheck today.
3.  And make sure you are on one accord with your beliefs.

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

Everyone has said some very good points to this topic.  I'll try to keep this as brief as I can.

I, too, am in a similar situation.  During a fast a couple of weeks ago one of my sisters and I agreed with each other for many things.  One of which for me was that God REVEALS to me who my wife is.  One for her was God REVEALS to her who her husband is.  Well, he revealed her to me and vice versa.  We got all hysterical because we realized that it really was God that did it.  We began talking about things like what our married lie would be like and what our doctrine was on different issues like, money, children, who should be working, ministry, etc.  Next,  God told us to stop talking about those kinds of things for 3 days.  Immediately the next day, he dealt with us both.  The reason why is because she is NOT my wife, YET.  However, she will be.  God has revealed some things to me and also some things to her.  However, we have some serious deep seated issues that we didn't want to and wouldn't have dealt with unless we knew that we were going to be married eventually.  You see, God showed us that we are going to we finish preparing ourselves by removing all of the hurtful family and societal experiences that we have suffered due to our disobedience and lack of knowledge in some areas.  Now, we are focused on God to instruct us how to finish getting ready.  And guess what?  It take long, either because both of us are serious about loving God before the other one.  You have to ask God without your feelings attached.  You have to make sure that God is telling you this.  Pray with him.  Pray with your family.  Pray with TRUSTED sisters. Hey, I'll even pray and agree   IF this is your husband and you want to know, God will let you know. IF he is, then it's time to get serious about cleaning up whatever issues you have that you have been avoiding marriage.  Remember, the marriage is a model of the relationship with Christ and the church.  Remember, the church must be spotless before it can be wed with Christ.  Likewise, you must work on your issues before you can be wed to your husband.  I'll PM you the rest because 4Hisglory, BBoy, DaughterofChrist, and Divinemusician are gonna talk about me if I keep on goin.  Be Blessed and no matter what Stay focused on God.......

[divinemusician]

haha Annointed-n-appointed, you are crazy, nobody going to talk about you because you telling the truth, let the sister know what she needs to do, if God has told you to tell her more tell her, somebody else may read this and need that same info so don't Pm her just post it.  :lol:

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

Thanks Divinemusician!!!

Now the rest of y'all that think I am long-winded:

It is divinemusician's fault.  Not mine.  Let this serve as the record that I was through but SHE insisted.  Not I. :wink:

To the questions that you asked at the end of your post:

Yes.  It is possible to sure of something that BIG that fast.  Think about Moses' encounter with God in Exodus 3.  When God told him what he had in store for him (deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt), he came up with every excuse in the book not to do it.  And here's just a side note:
That's exactly what I did.  I came up with every excuse why I shouldn't think of marriage the woman God told me to marry.  One of the reasons was because of my age.  I am 22.  Am I old enough?   Then, God told me to stop thinking in terms of age and start thinking in terms of ability to handle responsibility.  He reminded me of what how much I have listened to him and lead many to Christ and even some who are already with Christ to develop a stronger relationship with him, break yokes, receive healing, etc.  But anyways.  Back to YOUR concerns.  LOL

Let's look at what happened in v27 when God spoke to his brother Aaron.  God told him to go to the wilderness to meet his brother.  Notice what Aaron didn't do.  He didn't say "What if he isn't there?"  He didn't say "What if he doesn't recognize me because I haven't seen him in so long"  He doesn't say "Why do I have to stop what I am doing to go see him"  He just went.  Now, he received the same news that Moses did in regards to God was showing him.  Instead of freaking out and coming up with excuses like Moses did, he just did whatever was asked of him to do.  He was sure of his assignment and went with the flow.  His assignment was really huge, too.  His assignment was to assist his brother in the deliverance of the Israelites from Pharaoh.  However, this is the thing that Aaron realized that Moses (and me sometimes) didn't.  Aaron realized that he was not by himself.  Everything he did was going to be backed up by God because God told Moses that he was with him.  So, according to Romans 8:31 If God be for us, who can be against us?

There are countless other times in the bible when God shows different people things that WILL come to pass in order to prepare them for what he has shown them.  My advice (and it is strictly scriptural) is to fast and pray.  I mean really seek God about this.  Don't worry about how others view something.  Whether they like him or not.  You need God to show you what to do.  I am telling you if God is in it, you can't go wrong.  Now, remember that God won't force himself in it.  You have to allow him in.  He is just standing at the door.  waiting for you to open it and let him in so he can reveal to you exactly what he has in store for you.


Now that I've imparted everything I have on that subject, I want to reiterate some things about my situation.

When God first told me that she was going to be my wife, I flat out refused.  I told him there is no way it is her because we have an age difference, we live in different states, blah blah blah.  I was coming up with everything.  Instead of taking God at his word, I said I MUST not be hearing God correctly so let me ask some of my brothers and sisters for prayer.  Once I did, they all said the same thing.  God revealed the same thing to them as he did to me.  I was like "It can't be."  It wasn't like I wasn't attracted to her.  I am VERY attracted to her.  I was just so shocked that it happened that quickly because I had JUST prayed that he would reveal to me who my wife is.  I don't have to guess. I know that it is God.  God is leading everything.  I am just walking in his footsteps.  He has paved the way I am to go and she is just following with no problems because God is telling her the same things he is telling me.  Even when he tells me something he doesn't tell her, she follows (all the while praying that I am listening to God alone).   Now, I'm not getting married in the next couple of months.  It may even be a year.  But it doesn't even matter because I know who she is and he is preparing her for me just like he is preparing me for her so that when he DOES say yes, it will be YES YES YES.

Stay focused on God sister and pray for him and that God will direct his path.  I assure you that you can't go wrong like that.  If you need to fast and pray about it, do it.  If you need a prayer partner, every person on this list will pray with you.  (Most of them will fast with you, too)

I love you.  Stay armored and be blessed.....

[nrbrown80]

10 years and going Kadman92?  that is awesome!!!!!! especially in the terms of such a quick beginning.  Congratulations!!  

Thank you all for your help!!  I feel like I have a direction to move now...not JUST awestruck. (still awestruck, granted, but at least I can move)

It's great to talk with people who know God, The Word, and who can give practical wisdom.  It's great to be able to share my excitement with you!!  

I'll definately be praying for us all!!

Natasha

[divinemusician]

Annointed-n-appointed you are a mess. I am going to get your tail! :lol:

but what you said was good and true and of sound doctrine. thank you for finishing the rest. it was well needed.

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

It ain't my fault.  I told you I wasn't gonna take the blame.  Remember y'all:  Divinemusician.  Not Annointed-n-appointed.  LOL

[iamworship]

OK Somthing similiar to all that has been said but I have some serious suggestions for you and this man. I have to say I am a bit concerned about the age thing only inthat you andmaybe he are young and you r stilllearning about who youare as a woman let alone as a wife. But I do not know your circumstances or his and I will remain positive fro anyone that thinks of  God 1st.. In any event I have just recently decided that I had found my good thing.. but here is what God has said to me and what we have aggreed to do as a plan of action prior to any final decisions on getting married.. They are

1. I know tha God had a greater call on my life. He has just started to pour into me spiritually and she does not wat to be a destraction to this season. we understand that we can hinder what God is doing not in a negative way but by being so into each other that we loose our primary affection which is God.

2. She and I both know that knowing we love each other is not enough. We need to seek God for more of him now because of the struggles that marriage brings. So we have decided to seperate ourselves from each other for a season to allow God to deposit in each of us. We limit our time together and gie that extra time outide of church and rehersals etc... to God for  season so that we can, if he continues to say we are in his perfect will to be married, come together stronger and more in tune to Him.

3. we are in the process of putting together what we call a Covering Team. These are people we admire and value as Christian belivers to pray over us and cover us as we seperate . They will pray the God can speak to us individually and that we can hear His voice. The covering is also against the enemy because we know he will play allkinds of tricks like bringing old flames out the wood work and casting in doubt and other negative thoughts, so we  have people praying against the enemy.

4. Once that season is over ( we don't know how long it will be a month maybe two maybe weeks)  and we still hear God saying yes to this union we would then begin counseling.

It's a lot but we know that if we take this tough route now, God will make the road easier ahead. Remember there is a difference betweeen  being in Gods " perfect will" as oppose to his " permissive will" For your life. Always seek his perfect will...

I wish you the best and I hope that God has sent and shown you your rib.

[nrbrown80]

BBoy...

#4 was funny!

thanks for being real!

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

Amen brother!!!


That's what I am talking about.  You are absolutely correct.  That is very similiar to my situation.  We, too, have decided to sepearate emotionally for a season to maintain our fellowship with the Father.  I beleive that it is very critical to remain in communication with God especially as Big decisions arise.  We need to listen tohim more individually so that we can let his word be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path in reality and not just in Psalms.

I commend you for staying focused on God and I will lift you up in prayer brother.  I solicit your prayers as well.

[key-wiz]

Ya'll crazy :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[BBoy]

So y'all school me up in here . . . no disrespeken y'all   , but I just want to make sure I'm clear on what some of y'all be sayin up 'round here.  

If God has put two people together, and they both beleive that God is in it, and they are both living right and not just following emotions . . . why would a separation be necessary? Is this at the advice of pastors or other wise, seasoned and Word-based counsel? If so, that is one thing. But is it?

Some may say, "Separate until we know." Until you know what? What will you learn APART from the person? If two people are just flowing in emotions, then they shouldn't be acting on it anyway. But if people really beleive that God is in it, then . . . . what are you waiting for?

Now listen, this is in love. Many times we learn to play games in the world. Yes, I said it. And then we try to find ways to bring games in the church. Unh-hunh, I said that too. GOd has given us enough wonderful, intoxicating emotions without inventing drama. Listen as I attempt to demonstrate what our actions might look like to the angels God sends to help us find our mates:

Bro Single: "Oh, I've waited so long for you. Yes, you are the One . . . the One that God has for me. You are the one I have waited for, prayed for. I rebuked demons and Jezebels until you came into my life. Yes, I have faith that one day, one day we will be together . . . but . . . ."

Sis Single: "I know . . . say no more. I, too, beleive that one day, one day we will be together. But for now . . . we must (sniffle) we must . . . (sniffle, whimper) . . . WAIT!" (Sis Single breaks down in tears. Angels assigned to bring them together look at each other, wondering what in the world this drama is all about. This is just like when the saints prayed for the apostle Peter to be released from jail, and then when he was released they didn't want to believe it! )

Bro Single: "Oh, yes. Learn of me, learn of yourself, learn . . . and then one day . . . "

Sis Single: "One day . . ."

Angels: "Yes, we know . . . one day, you two will be together."

Now please don't take this wrong. I am not making fun of anyone, and everyone knows what they need to do. But the Bible says that when we are double minded, we are unstable in ALL of our ways. We want to be married, but we want to be single a bit longer. We want to be sure, but we want to take time. We want to know about the other person, but we want to be apart from them. I'm confused.

God has given us tools so that we can be blessed without all this drama.  He has given us His Word, pastors, and the Holy Ghost. He has given us precious promises, such as if we acknoeldge Him in all our ways, He would direct our paths. He said that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delighteth in his way. Is there a reason two saved, Spirit-filled people would not prayerfully step out and find out what God has for them? If a person isn't ready for a mate, then what were they praying for in the first place?  

Honestly, help me here. I'm a Bible teacher and I want to be able to answer if something like this comes up. What is the reason behind this? Thank you, and PLEASE don't be offended . . . I just want to understand.

Be Blessed, y'all . . . .  :wink:

[JoyCH]

I agree with Bboy - he gave very sound advice. In adding to this discussion I think you are too young and moving to fast. A relationship requires; responsibility, stability and honesty. Do you both have jobs?
Where are you going to live? Does he feel the same way as you? Are you going to finance a home or rent? What about children? They require childcare, clothes and groceries.  What about a blood test? What does his  background consist of? If he has a criminal history how would you get credit? Not in your name alone. These are important issues to think about.

Secondly, listening to a person talk on the phone to someone else could mean anything. Who is he talking too? Another girl, perhaps. In old day church you would hear sermons on "Spirit of Jezebel" (Rev. 2) or "Every Man Wants To Be a Samson."  The bible tells us, the spirit is willing but the "flesh" is weak. The devil will make anything look good for a moment.
Only time will tell if this person is God's will for your life. And if God doesn't answer you right away, then wait on Him. Don't go before Him because that will lead to problems.

If you don't do anything else for yourself, do this one thing - take your time. Go to school, get the job you want. Pray, pray and pray because the devil would love to destroy your destiny. This is why God put people and preachers in our lives to instruct us and guide us in our daily walk with Him. Trust God, when He shows up, He shows off. He only wants the best for you.

Be blessed,
Joy

[Annointed-n-Appointed]

That was extremely funny BBoy.  I totally agree with what you were saying.  Unless you were instructed to wait, what is the point of doing so.  The bible teaches us that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  All we do is aggravate ourselves any other way.  Now with that being said, I know that God has instructed me to wait.  It is not because of my feelings.  My feelings want to get married tomorrow.  It is not because of games that were brought from the world.  It is strictly from God.   Unless you hear from God on a matter, there is no need to delay.  You are simply wasting time and causing yourself and your potential (unless you take too long) spouse unnecessary doubt and temptation.


In response to JoyCH,

I say this with total love.  I understand how you feel in regard to "young" people talking about marriage.  However, the truth of the matter is young people who are in the word are more prepared for marriage than the "old and wise."  For example, I am 22 years old and am in preparation for marriage.  I already know the seriousness of the covenant.  I understand the responsibility I will carry.  I am able to take care of my wife-to-be.  I don't mean just sexually, either.  Let me put it to you this way.  The only way she'll work is if she wants to.  I am prepared for the spiritual leadership that I will have to embrace as the head.  Age should never be looked at as the reason behind whether you are ready for marriage because there are some 60 year olds that don't know as much about the significance of the bond between husband and wife (which is why a lot of them are divorced 3 and 4 times over....) as some people even younger than me.

[BBoy]

Thank you for your replies, they have helped me to see another side of things.  I hope no on was offended by my little jokes . . . I jus wanted to lighten what is for some a very serious discussion.

I think we can agree on certain issues: One, single years are appointed by God to do a work. Enjoy them, and don't rush through them for the flesh or because others look at you wondering why you aren't married yet. Two, marriage is God's idea, and a spouse is a blessing from the Lord. Three, different people can handle different things. . . . some people can handle things like keeping a private AND HOLY dating life private, some people feel like they must bring others into their private lives, some people can take financial strain more than others, etc.

But one thing I think we saints sometimes miss is that God wants us blessed. If it is HOLY (in line with His Word and the Holy Ghost), sometimes the best thing to do is seek godly counsel and step out and find out!

Thank you for the discussion, I have learned a lot. Be Blessed