Performance Anxiety

[kittykooper]

I sure can use some help here. I was drafted to play piano for my small local church. I am self taught and until now only play for personal pleasure. Well, I practice long and hard hours and prepare well. I even practice before church. However, when it comes time for me to play, I can't find the notes and can't read the music. I find it is getting worse and not better. I evaluated my situation and thought that perhaps instead of looking at it as "performance" I should look at it as praising the Lord which it is. Didn't help. It was worse. I don't know what to do. I feel like quitting but I know I am capable. Please help!

YOU HAVE TO R-E-L-A-X!!! YOU HAVE MUCH ANXIETY GOIN ON THERE ,AND DON'T NEED TO BE...I WAS THE SAME WAY, ALSO. THE MORE YOU DO THE MORE AT EASE YOU'LL BE...YOU PUTTIN TOO MUCH ON YOURSELF..JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND REMEMBER, PLAYING THE PIANO IS "F_U_N", NOT A CHORE

[T-Block]

I know exactly how you feel. I had those same feelings when I started playing for my church.  My fingers would shake real bad and I get like butterflies in my stomach.  Some might say it is anxiety, but I call it plain out FEAR.  It's like everybody focused on you so if you make any mistake people gone look at you and talk about saying stuff like, "why is he/she even up there" or "he/she can't even play good". For a long time I let that hold me back, but then I realized that once you keep doing it, it becomes easier and more fun. I still get a little nervous right now when I am about to play something new, but I play through mistakes and all cuz you about the only person who knows if you make a mistake or not.  Just play with the fear and soon it will go away.

[babygrand]

Kittykooper, you might be my twin.    I feel the exactly the same.  Sunday when I played, I literally felt like crying.  I only been playing for 2 years but yet I want to be perfect.  I feel like  I am always messing up. I feel like I am off key, off beat, and everything.  I also feel like I am getting worse.  I think Hammondman is right, we need to "relax".  I also like your suggestion of looking at it like "praising the Lord".  I am going to remember that on Sunday. My  advice to you, and to myself, is to stay prayerful.  God has placed us in this position for a reason.  He did not put us there to fall.  Like my pastor says "You have to go though a test to have at testimony"

[B3Wannabe]

Beginners do what beginners do: They get nervous. They have fear. They mess up. It's all a learning process. I know it's hard, but the key is not to feel bad about it. Accept that you're going to mess up sometimes even tragically, and just keep playing. Don't listen to the whispers. You shouldn't even look at the audience.

"why is he/she even up there" or "he/she can't even play good."  This is powerful!  

Man, many days I have thought the same thing... am I playing this right-- what if they don't like this don't like that...man forget all of that...  Because, I am pressing towards the mark regardless.

Just yesterday... I wanted to quit playing because of somethings...  But the devil...small "d" is a liar and I will share this gift that the good master has given me....

I will trust in the Lord all my days until my time...

[Bronzee]

Lets be encourage my friend.. i had the same idenical situation for some time..it was more better when the lord would annoint the service then i could realy play...the people eyes gotten off of me and there mind was on having a good time shouting in service.  Like wannab said..dont even look at them people..cause most of them prolly can't play a lick..dont look back press toward the mark of the high prize.  Be richly blessed n your playing. [/b]

[jwcancer64]

I know what you mean because I was kinda drafted into playing piano for the church myself. But I've learned that I even surprise myself when I really get into the service and stop worrying about making mistakes. Play as unto the Lord and you will find yourself playing things that you may not remember or  even be able to repeat. That's playing from the heart and not from the head....Be Encouraged!

[kittykooper]

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I appreciate your kind words and will be encouraged.

[Lauragal]

The very firs time I played in church (in 1987), I played for a soloist who was known to "sing all over the place" and never stay with the music.  I was a wreck!!!  I was also self taught, and had only been playing at home for about 2 years (I had  never played in public before that).  Well, I have to say that God really anointed me because the song went so smoothly.  I was even amazed - after that, my pastor asked me to play on a regular basis in church as the pianist.  I used to get so nervous and my hands would shake and at the time I couldn't read music, I played everything by ear!!  Well, to make a long story short, I am still playing at that church (17 years later) and God has brought me a long way, yet I still have far to go!!!!  The more you play, the less nervous you get, and forget about what others are thinking about you if you mess up, - God has given you the talent and He will equip those that He has called for His purpose.  Just keep on and don't give up - you will be amazed at how God will advance the skill he has given you.

Laura

[JoyCH]

I couldn't agree more. I stopped playing in church (years ago) because of the criticism and regret it. Don't let the devil steal "your gift" from you. The more the devil tells you "you can't - you tell him, "I will".   For you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Be blessed.
Joy