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Author Topic: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?  (Read 9761 times)

Offline IQEQ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #20 on: November 06, 2006, 02:41:54 AM »
Well... write what you want////  there are certain lines...  I would have a problem dealing with.

1.  Ex-Con Child Molester = Would you allow your CHILD's Child (female)... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

2.  Ex-Con Rapist = Would you allow your CHILD's Child... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

and I could go on...  the question or my statement is this--Only you have to deal with the fall-out of this relationship.  The only thing folks on this site can provide are scenarios...  Matter-fact, how many of you guys have married an ex-con...uuummmm?!?!  So maybe we are not qualified to answer this question...
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Offline SisterT

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #21 on: November 06, 2006, 08:12:05 AM »
Matter-fact, how many of you guys have married an ex-con...uuummmm?!?!  So maybe we are not qualified to answer this question...

And maybe some of us ARE qualified to answer the question.

I dated such a person. And we were in a very close and very committed relationship. Other than my husband, he is the only other man I have been on that level of commitment with. Our reasoning for not getting married had nothing to do with his past...for his past was just that, THE PAST!

That man has married. He has a beautiful family and his wife brags on how much of a good husband she has. You sense they have a good relationship just from being in their presence.

I work in ministry with prisoners and former prisoners. I see some (certainly not all) that are completely healed by the blood of Jesus. To say an ex-con or ex-whatever, because we are all ex-offenders, are not suitable mates because of past crimes is to say that the blood of Jesus is not powerful to cleanse all. And that friends is a grave error!

Everyone who reads this is an ex-offender. If you think an ex-con, who has repented of his sins and have recieved forgiveness from the same God who forgave you....if you think that ex-con don't deserve to marry....then you don't deserve to marry either.

Offline BBoy

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #22 on: November 06, 2006, 10:48:50 AM »
Are there any ex-cons in the Bible?

Well, Joseph for one. He served time in an Egyptian jail.

Then we have Paul. Peter. James and John. All of them did prison time.

Now, I know that some of you may say, "Aw, that is just BBoy trying to get all deep and Scriptural again. We aren't talking about being imprisoned for preaching the Gospel, or being imprisoned for a false allegation. We talking about real life here!"

I'm learning to take such statements as a compliment. Yes, we all need to get deep and Scriptural, becasue it is real life. I ain't as deep as I am planning to be in the future.

If they are saved, then that means their past is gone. We are commanded by Scripture to no longer regard any man after the flesh, for he is a new creature (II Corinthians 5). According to Scripture, old things are past away and all things are become new.

Now, if a person doesn't want to date  / marry a person who has done whatever and as a result has served prison time, then that is the particular person's choice. Now IMHO, depending on the circumstances, there very well may be wisdom in not putting something in front of a person that tempts a weakness they have had and are still strugguling with, or that involves the safety of yourself or someone else whose safety you are responsible for.

But not all people who went to jail have those issues. You can't clump everyone into the same catagory. Some people made bad choices and did wrong things, and they are truly sorry and have paid their debt to society, and determined that they will never do such things again and they will never associate with those who do. They determined that if they ever were to just get another chance, they would do right this time. Furthermore they have accepted Jesus as Savior and recieved GOD's free gift of forgiveness.

They are on their way to a new life. If a person doesn't want to be a part of that life, then that is their decision. But someone may choose to be a part of their life, and that is wonderful too.

Just my 2 cents . . .

Be Blessed, everyone!   



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Offline BEATBOXERZ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #23 on: November 06, 2006, 11:03:15 AM »
Well... write what you want////  there are certain lines...  I would have a problem dealing with.

1.  Ex-Con Child Molester = Would you allow your CHILD's Child (female)... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

2.  Ex-Con Rapist = Would you allow your CHILD's Child... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

and I could go on...  the question or my statement is this--Only you have to deal with the fall-out of this relationship.  The only thing folks on this site can provide are scenarios...  Matter-fact, how many of you guys have married an ex-con...uuummmm?!?!  So maybe we are not qualified to answer this question...
That man in your avatar sure does looks like a crack-head... But seriously, I'm glad God isn't like man. We all have issues. I do agree with your some of your points.

Offline sjonathan02

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #24 on: November 06, 2006, 12:12:44 PM »
What IS the deal with that avatar, IQEQ??


And, going back to what I stated in another post, there's a lot of cynicism within the body of Christ. I'm going to leave it right there.


Should I get the grill?????   ;D
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Offline playhear

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2006, 12:28:28 PM »
Well... write what you want////  there are certain lines...  I would have a problem dealing with.

1.  Ex-Con Child Molester = Would you allow your CHILD's Child (female)... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

2.  Ex-Con Rapist = Would you allow your CHILD's Child... to be around this person alone...  If you answered NO--Should You Marry?

and I could go on...  the question or my statement is this--Only you have to deal with the fall-out of this relationship.  The only thing folks on this site can provide are scenarios...  Matter-fact, how many of you guys have married an ex-con...uuummmm?!?!  So maybe we are not qualified to answer this question...

Yeah, that guy in the avatar is on something...lol

Anyway, you have presented scenarios where "Ex-Con" is not really the issue.  Of course, someone is going to be highly cautious around anybody who has molested children or raped somebody, whether or not they're an Ex-Con.  I think that's a given here.

The real issue here is can the blood of Jesus truly reform anybody?

The original post is uncomfortable to grapple with because it strikes at the core of one’s beliefs.  I think BBoy and SisterT narrowed the issue down into digestible chunks really well.

I'm not sure about you, but I can sense if someone has a tendency to want to deal with the dark side.  IMHO, that's not the type of person who's reformed.  I wouldn't marry such a woman.  Any wife of mine has got to meet me halfway or at least one-third...haha.  On the other hand, I can also sense if someone has completely put their criminal ways behind them.  In such a case, the past would be irrelevant to me.  I'd be more concerned with what's up with her now.

Further, I'm a little surprised that nobody has brought up what I'm about to say.  We're dealing with a justice system in the U.S. that is racist and imperfect at best.  In my job, I deal with the criminal justice system occasionally.  Let's just say that the system just ain't right at certain levels.  Thank God that He doesn't judge like man judges.

Some of us talk like we're above going behind bars.  However, going behind bars (for a black man especially) can be about as easy as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I've seen it happen more often than I would like to admit.  Those folks are ex-cons after they come out...

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #26 on: November 07, 2006, 12:41:26 PM »
Pro's and con's???

I think that an Ex con is a person like any other. But there may be some adaptation issues that an ex-con may have that any other person may not have. A person who has been locked up for twenty years may not be able to handle day to day life as a person who has been free.

I say this because one of my cousins is comng home from prison next month, he's been in twenty one years, and he is so far behind in time, its sad. A woman will have to re-train him to act and think with the times of today. The last thing he lived or saw was in 1980 something.

I think as with any other person, its a matter of direction. Where is this persons life headed? Are they living a life of purpose? And if they have been in prison, then how are they reconciling their life now?

My biggest concern would probably be AIDS. But as long as we keep God #1, and lean on Him for understanding, we should be A Otay...

Offline IQEQ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #27 on: November 09, 2006, 04:11:53 AM »
Oh Oh Oh... you guys have jokes about my teeth--please, don't make me start a forehead thread up in here... 
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Offline Lady E

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #28 on: November 09, 2006, 05:49:32 AM »
What IS the deal with that avatar, IQEQ??

IQ since others have taken the liberty to bring it up... I have been wondering about your picture,
for quite sometime now.  First of all, is that really you? (LOL).  If not, may I ask what inspired you
to choose that particular picture?  :)

**Add On:
I would really like to know, but please keep in mind, that I did say "MAY I ask"!  If the answer is
"no you MAY not" that's ok too. (LOL)

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Offline IQEQ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #29 on: November 09, 2006, 06:30:36 AM »
You guys this is really not funny...  I thought I could be free on this site and show the true me.. without folks clowning me...  Matter-fact, I will change my picture when I figure out how to.  Do you all understand the pain I have felt ever since... the car accident...  NO YOU DONT... what about my feelings....
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Offline sjonathan02

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #30 on: November 09, 2006, 06:44:31 AM »
You guys this is really not funny...  I thought I could be free on this site and show the true me.. without folks clowning me...  Matter-fact, I will change my picture when I figure out how to.  Do you all understand the pain I have felt ever since... the car accident...  NO YOU DONT... what about my feelings....


YOU are a silly man!
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Offline IQEQ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #31 on: November 09, 2006, 09:19:39 AM »
uuuummmmmmm--My friend--the term silly is brainless and offensive for reasons which are entirely unrelated or foreign to religious zeal and philosophy.  Therefore, it’s simply not acceptable or productive to make use of banter in such a primitive manner—thus, to presume that a person is per say “silly,” in an open social-order like this is uncouth, offensive, detestable, and repugnant. It is discourteous to those who wish to communicate openly and freely with other members of this community… Silly… 

Thanks 4 your comment!
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Offline Lady E

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #32 on: November 09, 2006, 09:29:19 AM »
You guys this is really not funny...  I thought I could be free on this site and show the true me.. without folks clowning me...  Matter-fact, I will change my picture when I figure out how to.  Do you all understand the pain I have felt ever since... the car accident...  NO YOU DONT... what about my feelings....

Mr IQ, If you are playing, you are really something! :)  but if you are serious, I am very sorry for mentioning it!  :-[ 

Please forgive me! 

Offline sjonathan02

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #33 on: November 09, 2006, 10:15:54 AM »
uuuummmmmmm--My friend--the term silly is brainless and offensive for reasons which are entirely unrelated or foreign to religious zeal and philosophy.  Therefore, it’s simply not acceptable or productive to make use of banter in such a primitive manner—thus, to presume that a person is per say “silly,” in an open social-order like this is uncouth, offensive, detestable, and repugnant. It is discourteous to those who wish to communicate openly and freely with other members of this community… Silly… 

Thanks 4 your comment!


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Offline BEATBOXERZ

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #34 on: November 09, 2006, 11:18:35 AM »
uuuummmmmmm--My friend--the term silly is brainless and offensive for reasons which are entirely unrelated or foreign to religious zeal and philosophy.  Therefore, it’s simply not acceptable or productive to make use of banter in such a primitive manner—thus, to presume that a person is per say “silly,” in an open social-order like this is uncouth, offensive, detestable, and repugnant. It is discourteous to those who wish to communicate openly and freely with other members of this community… Silly… 

Thanks 4 your comment!
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Offline T-Block

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #35 on: November 09, 2006, 11:44:43 AM »
We trying to figure out if he is really being serious, or if he just playing wit us.

Either way IQEQ, u put yourself out there, so u shouldn't be shocked.
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B_XALTED

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #36 on: November 09, 2006, 12:03:57 PM »
uuuummmmmmm--My friend--the term silly is brainless and offensive for reasons which are entirely unrelated or foreign to religious zeal and philosophy.  Therefore, it’s simply not acceptable or productive to make use of banter in such a primitive manner—thus, to presume that a person is per say “silly,” in an open social-order like this is uncouth, offensive, detestable, and repugnant. It is discourteous to those who wish to communicate openly and freely with other members of this community… Silly… 

Thanks 4 your comment!



Can you translate that into my language...

http://gizoogle.com/

Then I am sure I can come up with a smart remark after its broken into ebonics.

Offline truworship

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #37 on: February 05, 2007, 05:22:37 PM »
Iam not sure if anyone brought up this point because I didn't read all the way through the thread but.... for most people, just hearing the title "ex-con is enough. If is very hard in this day and time for  them to get a GOOD JOB.
*something to think about*

Offline BigFoot_BigThumb

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Re: Pro's and Con's of marrying an ex-Con?
« Reply #38 on: February 05, 2007, 06:32:30 PM »
Well my cousin was married to an "ex-con" and they also had a daughter soon thereafter.  He was a very nice guy, and boy was he SWOLE.  It hurt to give him a hug because he was so swole.  Anyway, he had been in for armed robbery.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt and considered him reformed.  He got a decent job.  He was very involved in our church, and even got an online degree from a bible college.  The family-at-large liked him a lot.  Well, one day he just bugged out and went on a  crime spree and robbed 14 (YES, I said 14) businesses over a short time.  I think he might have even shot a couple of folks in the midst.  Anyway, we will not be seeing him for a long time.  But he was so nice. :-\

I don't blame it on anyone but him.  He made the choice to go back to that life.  Some do their time, and learn from it. And some don't ever learn.
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