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Author Topic: Church Advice  (Read 2280 times)

Offline CJ_Pasley

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Church Advice
« on: March 12, 2013, 02:18:04 PM »
I've been MOM at a church since 2010. When they hired me I told them that during the Months of February – May I can’t take any extra engagements on Saturdays because I play Semi-Pro Football. We are currently without a Pastor and I got into a heated discussion with a Deacon; who stated that my commitment to God was mediocre at best. I explained to him that my life is not centered in Church or Church activities and is centered on my relationship with God. Then he said I was wasting my time with football because they don’t pay me to play football and I should focus on Ministry.  I told him that he couldn’t define what ministry is to me. I stated that God has blessed me to graduate from college, have a successful career, and I took and take very good care of my children (2 in college and a senior in High school). I’ve counseled / mentored several players, I’ve invited several to church in which 3 have joined, and lastly a fellow player father is a Pastor in which he is a beginning MOM I go and help him out on Fridays and some Sundays after church. He responded charity starts at home. I immediately had an urge to hit him in his mouth but I held on. I told him I am not a member I am paid employee; if the stipulations I gave you when yall hired me are no longer suitable then find you another musician. I must note in the last 3 years I’ve never missed church, practice or an engagement until two weeks ago when they scheduled an engagement after I told them that particular day was not good for them. What to do.

Offline under13

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2013, 02:47:05 PM »
It seems like you did the right thing, what do you need advice about?

Offline CJ_Pasley

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2013, 04:02:59 PM »
We have been without a Pastor for almost a year. While we had a Pastor I only dealt with him and the older I get the less I want to deal with. Did I handle the situation ok did I say to much or not enough? I'm at the point that I am ready to retire or just leave, I prayed and fasted God told me that I was the Hosea for this church.

Offline berbie

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2013, 04:23:24 PM »
You told the terms that you needed when you were hired.  That gave them clear and advance notice that events on Saturdays during those times would require a substitute musician.  It is hard to see how that could be any clearer. The ball is in their court, but they have NO reason to be angry or accusatory toward you.  If the terms are no longer acceptable to them, they could give you notice(then the ball is in your court) and hire another musician who will work at all times.  If you are a steady as you have indicated, you wouldn't have any problem finding other employment.  This is simply business and should be done without rancor.  Churches have spiritual/business functions and they are separate but necessary.  Sometimes when working on a business matter, officials try to make it spiritual and get all emotional and unreasonable about it. 

If you have a musician who is working on a spiritual basis and would play at any need for low or no pay, it is still unreasonable to accuse them of being less than spiritually diligent because they sometimes have things that they must attend to even when they are needed.  They are allowed to have a life and still be spiritual.  So do you.

Of course, if enough money is being paid, and no stipulations/special allowances have been made and agreed to,  one might be expected to appear at all events except in cases of dire emergencies.  No accusations or guilt trips:  you come or you're gone.  Just business.

Offline betnich

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2013, 07:58:34 PM »
IMO, don't let them guilt you into ignoring your other comittments. You were upfront with them...

Offline sjonathan02

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2013, 09:21:18 AM »
You told the terms that you needed when you were hired.  That gave them clear and advance notice that events on Saturdays during those times would require a substitute musician.  It is hard to see how that could be any clearer. The ball is in their court, but they have NO reason to be angry or accusatory toward you.  If the terms are no longer acceptable to them, they could give you notice(then the ball is in your court) and hire another musician who will work at all times.  If you are a steady as you have indicated, you wouldn't have any problem finding other employment.  This is simply business and should be done without rancor.  Churches have spiritual/business functions and they are separate but necessary.  Sometimes when working on a business matter, officials try to make it spiritual and get all emotional and unreasonable about it. 

If you have a musician who is working on a spiritual basis and would play at any need for low or no pay, it is still unreasonable to accuse them of being less than spiritually diligent because they sometimes have things that they must attend to even when they are needed.  They are allowed to have a life and still be spiritual.  So do you.

Of course, if enough money is being paid, and no stipulations/special allowances have been made and agreed to,  one might be expected to appear at all events except in cases of dire emergencies.  No accusations or guilt trips:  you come or you're gone.  Just business.

This.

I may have worded my concerns/explanation differently but overall, I agree with how you handled it (minus the feeling of wanting to punch dude).
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Offline T-Block

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2013, 03:38:07 PM »
Keep doing what you're doing man. Doesn't seem to me like you did anything wrong. It's all on them now!
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Offline gtrdave

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2013, 04:36:39 PM »
Yeah, if you're meeting the expectations that they laid out for you...and it sounds like you're doing that and then some...then the only problem you have is with the personality of this other person.
And I understand wanting to deck him, but you should be praying for him. He's still a brother in Christ and (I assume) a church leader of sorts, so he may have some authority over you, but he should also know that a Deacon position does not give him the right to abuse or belittle others and cause them to argue.
He should be of the servant leadership mindset...at least that's what Jesus taught us about leadership, or so I've read...
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Offline lorettac

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2013, 06:45:57 PM »
Sounds like you are committed to the music ministry, but it seems that now they are looking for a music minister that is committed to the church. Their feelings may be coming from them not having a pastor. Not knowing the situation that caused them to have a pastor, they could be feeling abandoned, whether he passed away, left, or was fired. When someone is feeling abandoned, they may have a hard time expressing their need for commitment from those they depend on.

I agree that you are doing what you were hired to do, but looking at it from their side, they may be dealing with some emotional issues attached to not having a pastor. I don't believe you owe them more than you committed to, but maybe you guys could sit down and discuss what they are looking for, what they feel they need, and together decide if what needs to be done for the overall good of the church and you.

Just a thought.  ;)

Offline dwest2419

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2013, 07:32:34 PM »
I've been MOM at a church since 2010. When they hired me I told them that during the Months of February – May I can’t take any extra engagements on Saturdays because I play Semi-Pro Football. We are currently without a Pastor and I got into a heated discussion with a Deacon; who stated that my commitment to God was mediocre at best. I explained to him that my life is not centered in Church or Church activities and is centered on my relationship with God. Then he said I was wasting my time with football because they don’t pay me to play football and I should focus on Ministry.  I told him that he couldn’t define what ministry is to me. I stated that God has blessed me to graduate from college, have a successful career, and I took and take very good care of my children (2 in college and a senior in High school). I’ve counseled / mentored several players, I’ve invited several to church in which 3 have joined, and lastly a fellow player father is a Pastor in which he is a beginning MOM I go and help him out on Fridays and some Sundays after church. He responded charity starts at home. I immediately had an urge to hit him in his mouth but I held on. I told him I am not a member I am paid employee; if the stipulations I gave you when yall hired me are no longer suitable then find you another musician. I must note in the last 3 years I’ve never missed church, practice or an engagement until two weeks ago when they scheduled an engagement after I told them that particular day was not good for them. What to do.

After reading your post, and I will be careful with my words, that your situation kind of spoke to me. I am too an paid employee and that on my behalf I grew up pentecostal and not baptist. And where they believe in laying on the hands and people falling out on the floor, but the thing is and I dont want to be critical of any particular denomination here, but at the church I play they'll pray for folks but wont lay there hands on them. So Im sorry for stepping on someone toes. But if the church wants me to attend their rehearsals and practices I will. But I feel that I am a played employee at that church where I play and that everything is strictly business and so they hired me as a guitar player. So Im just saying whats on my heart here no doubt about it. I have been a musician at that church where I attend since 2009.

Offline lorettac

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Re: Church Advice
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2013, 03:31:45 PM »
I'm the opposite dwest, I grew up southern baptist and now I'm pentecostal. I can relate to what you're talking about. It's difficult to be in services where you know there is more and you're used that. It's more than just a different culture. Honestly, if we don't feel uncomfortable in services that don't teach what we believe, no matter who we are, then what are we? If I feel "connected" or "unified" with people who don't believe and practice what I believe, then what does that say about what I believe?
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