LGM family... I need your help.
I'm in a dry season as MOM. I do not enjoy singing, teaching, finding new music, etc anymore. I feel guilty b/c I know I should read my word, study my word, pray without ceasing, fast and all of these things. But I just can't. And I feel like such a fake when I'm singing Sunday after Sunday about a mighty God, a worthy God when I'm not serving Him in excellence and w/my whole heart.
I have talked w/my Pastor about stepping down, but he's opposed to it. He did ask a worship leader (and friend) to come in and do a workshop for the entire praise team and musicians on our roles as Levites. I have learned a lot in the short time these teachings have been going on and I can see some definite changes in the music dept. It is a blessing that this person is sharing their time and talents with us.
You would think I'd be happy, but I'm not. It's like I can't get excited about anything anymore.
I once felt that the music ministry was my calling, but now I'm not so sure. I know that I'm "gifted" to sing, but wonder if I'm "anointed" to minister.
As I re-read my post, I see a lot of "I feels" and "I wants," and I do recognize (albeit grudgingly) that selfishness abounds and that, yes, I'm having a pity party.
The bottom line is I truly want to be excellent in my service to God. I know that He is the gift giver and I am grateful.
I'm just stuck in a deep rut right now and I'm having a hard time coming out.
I want to worship in spirit and in truth, but there is a block there. Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you come out of it?