A bit of a dilemma

[TheVeteran]

Ok, here's the deal.

A sister started attending our church a few months ago and got saved.  She's 23.

She still lived with her mother, but there were things going on in the home that she needed to get away from (her mother was verbally abusive, she has 4 brothers living there and only ONE of them works while the others sell drugs, she didn't have her own room, etc, etc.)

She asked my wife if she could stay with us.  We asked our Pastor what he thought, and he didn't see a problem with it, seeing as she's a baby christian and needed positive influences.

For the MOST part things have been ok but.....

Yesterday my wife got a call from the girl's job (she listed my wife's cell as an emergency contact) asking if the girl has abandoned the job!

The lady told my wife that she missed her shifts on Sunday afternoon and Wednesday, and didn't notify anyone.

We were shocked because the girl left church half-way through the Word, saying that she had to go to work.

Then she missed bible study last night, AGAIN claiming to be at work.

Last night we told her about the call, and she flat denied it, claiming that she WAS at work.

She said that her manager, Colleen, wasn't even at work on Wednesday.  I asked if Colleen was there Sunday and her answer was: "She doesn't work on Sundays"

Later in the conversation, she says: "I don't know why she'd call and say I wasn't at work.  Colleen is the one who told me we had too many people on the floor on Sunday, and that I can go home."

I say: "I thought you said Colleen doesn't work Sundays?" 
She says: "Oh, she doesn't work Sundays, but she was there this past Sunday"

 

She states that her hours for Wednesday was 5-11, forgetting that she got home WAY before 11 on Wednesday.  My wife asks her why she got out so early (8:45!) on Wednesday, and her answer is: "Mary told me to leave early"  My wife: "Why did she tell you to leave?" the girl: "I don't know.  But if she tells me I can leave I'm not gonna ask why!"

She's obviously lying.  We brought her into our home and told her that it's temporary until she saves a little money to get her own place, but if she's LYING to us about where she's going, and lounging around our apartment with no ambition to move out, we can't sit idly by.

But we can't throw her out on the street either!

I need suggestions people.

[blessedhands80]

Sounds llike you're in between a rock and hard place. I would take this situation to the Pastor.

Be Blessed Vet.

[B3Wannabe]

The way I see it, you have four options then...

1. Just pray for her (some people may find this one a to be too soft of a response)
2. Take her to the pastor
3. Talk to her and her supervisor (either way, she may be losing her job though and need more help than just what this could provide)
4. Take her to a shelter

Someone like this may have underlying social/work issues that has never been addressed. You didn't mention how old she was.

[Keys410]

Man I have dealt with this situation before I would say pray about it and also take it to your Pastor. As you have stated she is a baby christian and it sounds like she might be getting caught up with the wrong crowd. After living a certain way for so long you would have to understand she is in the changing process where certain habits arent going to be broken over night, but once she is around you and your wife and see your lifestyle those habits then begin to break. Be blessed

[HammerRock]

Well, I don't know how long she's been in your house. I'm assuming a short period, so this is based on that.

I would suggest love and patience, above all else. We were screwed up before we came to Christ; coming to Christ doesn't mean we're no longer screwed up, but we are on the road to recovery. Sanctification is a process. Show this girl some trust and soon she will trust you as well.

If she is without a job and without money then the time will come soon that she will have to talk to you about this. Give her the opportunity to approach you'all first. If you confront her with knowledge she didn't provide she will think you are spying on her and then she will never trust you.

Obviously there is a time limit on this approach, but in love and patience let Him (the Lord) show you when that is... and even then, approaching her in love is the key, lest you turn her from the Lord.

[TheVeteran]

Well, I don't know how long she's been in your house. I'm assuming a short period, so this is based on that.

I would suggest love and patience, above all else. We were screwed up before we came to Christ; coming to Christ doesn't mean we're no longer screwed up, but we are on the road to recovery. Sanctification is a process. Show this girl some trust and soon she will trust you as well.

If she is without a job and without money then the time will come soon that she will have to talk to you about this. Give her the opportunity to approach you'all first. If you confront her with knowledge she didn't provide she will think you are spying on her and then she will never trust you.

Obviously there is a time limit on this approach, but in love and patience let Him (the Lord) show you when that is... and even then, approaching her in love is the key, lest you turn her from the Lord.

That's my main concern.  I don't want her to leave the LORD because of something I'm forced to do...and yes, she's only been with us for 3 wks or so.

I understand and agree with what you're saying...but she doesn't HAVE to tell us anything.  She used to sell coke years ago, so she could quite possibly (seeing as her brothers STILL sell) do that for money and pretend to work.

Thing is, when somebody consistantly lies to you, it's difficult to trust them....and leave them ALONE in your house every day.   

[sjonathan02]

That's my main concern.  I don't want her to leave the LORD because of something I'm forced to do...and yes, she's only been with us for 3 wks or so.

I understand and agree with what you're saying...but she doesn't HAVE to tell us anything.  She used to sell coke years ago, so she could quite possibly (seeing as her brothers STILL sell) do that for money and pretend to work.

Thing is, when somebody consistantly lies to you, it's difficult to trust them....and leave them ALONE in your house every day.   

And, therein lies the rub, my friend. You can help her from a distance while allowing the Lord to work on her. The last thing you need is a thief in your house.

Take her to the Pastor and discuss this situation. What would you do if it was your own flesh and blood child? Chew on that for a minute. 


Prayin' for ya, patna!!

[Nakia518]

Well first of all... she hasnt left the enviornment that she was in... Although she is living in your home... that enviornment is still apart of her and that has to be broken off of her...

Next... She is an adult and needs to stop acting like a child... That right there was something a 15, 16 year old would do...

I think yall need to sit her down and have a talk with her about the real world...

Start the meeting off with prayer... Then explain to her the consequences of her actions...
Throw the word in there a few times...

And make sure you talk to her in Love and not out of anger... or frustration...

[saxandkeys]

I hope I'm wrong....but what if she starts lying ABOUT you next...(ya know what I mean).  This has the potential to cause problems between you and yours.

You know what you SHOULD do.

[TheVeteran]

Well first of all... she hasnt left the enviornment that she was in... Although she is living in your home... that enviornment is still apart of her and that has to be broken off of her...

Next... She is an adult and needs to stop acting like a child... That right there was something a 15, 16 year old would do...

I think yall need to sit her down and have a talk with her about the real world...

Start the meeting off with prayer... Then explain to her the consequences of her actions...
Throw the word in there a few times...

And make sure you talk to her in Love and not out of anger... or frustration...

Girl we talked to her from about 10 to almost 1 in the morning. 

We told her that we're in her corner.  That we're behind her 100%

I went over the way the Lord called Abraham to leave his father's house because he made Idols, and it would be more difficult to serve the Lord in that environment.  I made a parallel between Abraham and her situation, how she had to leave her mother's house because it would be difficult for her to serve the Lord in THAT environment (some real preacher stuff!).   

In the end my wife asked if there's anything she'd like to tell us.  She STILL wouldn't admit she hasn't been to work.   

[nessalynn77]

Be very prayerful and careful, Sax makes a good point. 

[csedwards2]

on the flip if a manager did tell her to go home it mqay be because of poor performance or attitude problems

[T-Block]

A young lady tried this with our family a few years ago.  My parents weren't having it though, she got kicked out immediately.

[flojo4jc]

Girl we talked to her from about 10 to almost 1 in the morning. 

We told her that we're in her corner.  That we're behind her 100%

I went over the way the Lord called Abraham to leave his father's house because he made Idols, and it would be more difficult to serve the Lord in that environment.  I made a parallel between Abraham and her situation, how she had to leave her mother's house because it would be difficult for her to serve the Lord in THAT environment (some real preacher stuff!).   

In the end my wife asked if there's anything she'd like to tell us.  She STILL wouldn't admit she hasn't been to work.   

All the advice given here is good.  So do that and pray, pray, pray.  Don't grow weary in well-doing. God will bless you and your wife for your sacrifces.

[Keys410]

I hope I'm wrong....but what if she starts lying ABOUT you next...(ya know what I mean).  This has the potential to cause problems between you and yours.

You know what you SHOULD do.

Good point and thats why they should stay prayed up...

on the flip if a manager did tell her to go home it mqay be because of poor performance or attitude problems

Good point man..

I mean foreal it sounds like homegirl has a history of problems, caused by the environment that she has lived in.

[SisterT]

Be very prayerful and careful, Sax makes a good point. 

I agree.

Jonathan makes a good point as well.

[4hisglory]

My dad use to tell me that “Lying and stealing go hand and hand”.  Be careful

[TheVeteran]

You guys are absolutely right.  There's nothing much I can do at this point, so I need to really place this before the Lord.  In doing so, I won't have to worry about what I should do.  He'll direct me.

Alright thanks for the replies people.

[im4jesus]

IMA SAY IT LIKE MY MOMMA TOLD ME...EVERY GROWN PERSON NEEDS THEIR OWN HOUSE!!!

[Keys410]

IMA SAY IT LIKE MY MOMMA TOLD ME...EVERY GROWN PERSON NEEDS THEIR OWN HOUSE!!!

Is that a Ghost? My lawd where did he come from?