Change the way you think of yourselves, 'drummers'.
The drum-set is but one instrument. If you continue to think of yourself as a drummer, then their is a possibility that subconsciously, you percieve yourself a soloist, who has to discipline himself/herself enough to 'settle' for being but ONE piece of a band.
How do you begin to change this?
Think of yourself as a musician. Before you became a 'drummer', and got into all of the fancy fills, did any/much of the music you love have a drummer who was showcasing all of fills?
More than likely, it did not. It was a collective effort from MUSICIANS, who knew their roles. I think this obsession with licks stems from the fact that we're breeding way too many drummer's, and not enough musicians...
Think back to the first time you became fascinated by an instrument. For many of us, we sat and watched that one musician, instead of appreciating the groove that resulted from a collective effort by all the musicians. As a result, we subconsciously disassociated ourselves from the group, and saw that instruments as a means to showcase our abilities, as an individual. That's why so many musicians are so eager to be the center of attention, and yet need 'discipline' to not do more than what your role call's for.
.....let's renew our minds, starting today. A "drummer" may or may not play for the music, but a MUSICIAN ALWAYS does what the music call's for. That's why he/she is called a MUSICian....
All of these youtube 'shed' clips, believe it or not, do nothing more than reinforce the notion that you're a soloist. When you're an impressionable, immature musician .... you see these clips, and want to express yourselves in that way. That is NOT what real music is about; yet some people consume that stuff on a daily basis.
Lastly, their is nothing wrong with listening to a song to hear what the drummer is doing; however, while it may be hard at this point, try to enjoy the music too. The more you can enjoy the music as a whole, I feel, the less you'll feel the need to interrupt the flow, by showcasing your chops. It definitely all connects.
At the end of the day, you should think of yourself a MUSICian who happens to plays; and not a drummer who happens to play music.
That's all.