Hi all--
I'm struggling with handling a situation with leadership. Thank God for all He is doing with me and how He has kept me. There is a web of deceit trying to be formed about me simply b/c I was going to resign as a director.
This just happened this past Sunday, my day to lead worship. Aftwards, we had a meeting to discuss some things and they began encouraging me and saying how different it is when I am the worship leader for services (we have 3). I give God all glory and praise for the annointing He has given me, but at the same time, something isn't right. God won't allow me to get truly connected here, evern with my hubby as minister of music--we come from a place where we desire to see the presence of God fall like never before, as soon as we press in, they cut it off by moving on with the "program" which, again we aren't used to.
Anyway, during this meeting, I thanked them all for their encouragement and said, its funny, b/c I was going to step down next week. This leads into more words of encouragement and comments like "you gotta stand by your husband, he needs you working, cus it makes him stronger and how would it look if I the wives of elders just sat down and weren't beside their husbands." That was strike one--my husband and I are one yes, but we are each going to give an account for ourselves, I can't get him into heaven and vice versa.
THEN, they decided that they wanted to pray. Well, before the prayer, my Pastor says to my husband--I know what it is, I've seen it too many times. It's her past. Daddy wasn't in his place so mama and grandmama had to step in. You get in your place and encourage her---She thinks I'm missing it, but I know I ain't!!! and blah blah blah--cus at that point I had my head down thinking---WOAH, there's a lie from the pit of hell. My father is an annointed pastor and my mother is an annoited woman of God and his co-pastor! I don't know what it feels like to grow up in an unsaved household!!!!!! Dad was pastoring when I was born!!!!!! I don't know what it is to be a loose woman, my hubby is my one and only and I was 4 months shy of my wedding night (not saying that still made it okay, but you get my point).
First of all, that shows that all the talking I do about my parents church went in one ear and out of the other and 2---I now feel that there is a mind game trying to be played cus he can sense my hesitation in truly connecting. Dedicated, yes, but not connected and jumping at his every word b/c God has not allowed me to get close to them.
My hubby and I just walked out and drove off quickly. God had been dealing with me about this ministry, and slowly, but surely, things are coming out into the open.
Should I go to the pastor with my hubby (who is going anyway) and say something, or wait for a platform to openly speak about my past? At this point I am really in need of God to move, I was doing okay, but as the days pass, the harder it is for me to say---I can walk back in there and worship with a clear heart! I know my hubby is probably going to respond to this post as well--any advice/prayers/etc would be appreciated!!! Blessings to you all!!!!
