ghetto christians

[3rd-Day]

If the organ is missing so many keys that it looks like somebody that just got there front teeth knock out.

If instead of gettin a small rug, you tie a rope from the kick drum to the stool and every other part of the drum set, so when the kick drum slides up, you and the whole set slide up with it.  when you play shout music you all up in the isle runnin over church members.

[B-3_trainee]

If you use "We Fall Down" for an excuse to go to the club.

If you bust a tamborine and still use just the rim with and 3 cymbals on it.

If after your pastor has brought the word they bring his juice in big PIMP cup with diamonds and rubys on it.

If your pastor preaches out of a childrens bible and shows the pics during the sermon.

If you give a bad check in the offering for $50 and you tell them $10 is for the church and you need your change.

[Crazykeys]

If you singin  a solo and yo voice cracks and then you get in the spirit to cover your cracked notes.

When the pastor preaches about women waitin for the right man so they can holla at those same women.

When you start shoutin and then you take off any new items your wearing so they won't break and then start shoutin again.

When the choir sing a hype song and the congregation and the ministers all bust out with the electric slide.  

[musiq16]

IF the ushers at the church use cell phones instead of hand signals to send messages.

If the Pastor has a jerry curl with a tooth pick in his mouth and says Jesus is my homie.

If the mother of the church is outside fighting with the pastor's wife and wins :lol:

If the kids walk right through the pulpit while the preacher is preaching.

YOUR CHURCH MIGHT  JUST BE A LIL' BIT GHETTO

[jjblack]

You church is ghetto if...

If they collect Sunday Morning offering in an old KFC chicken bucket.

If your choir robes are the leftover robes from the church down the street with new letters sewn on for your church's name.

If your pastor turns to the books of zekiel and bakkuk.

If you have to check the seats to make sure they aren't broke.

When a member names her triplets shadrach, meshach and abednego

When a deacon ask you if he-brews was a drink recipe...

[alquarles]

Or if the church doesn't have a snare, they rip the pad from a tambourine.

[Scales27]

My church IS ghetto because...

Our base drum broke so we first put a ton of tape on it. after that wore away, we turned it around and play on the label side.

We don't have a choir, so the pastor plays CD's during offering time (I'm not too fond of that one )

Our gospel celebrity guests are usually just the CD.

Pastor does the Chicken head on accident to many songs.

We use saltine crackers instead of the bread wafers for communion

We do appollo talent shows on special occasions

On events, we have to bring out folding chairs for the guests


YOUR church is ghetto if...

the missionaries use testimony services to talk about how another missionary stole their man

if people use testimony services to remind people that they owe them money

if your pastor is an ex pimp, and still wears the hat

if your pastor looks like money Mike

if your pastor is Mr. Biggs

if the ushers confiscate your gum and take a stick to chew during preaching

if "Sister Odeyll" is the mother of your church (from Steve Harvey's church)

[apostolic_lady05]

Your church is ghetto if:

The pastor has to break up a fight (On church ground), between a sister in the church, and the Choir director, after Sunday Morning worship.

My friend was telling me about how after their church service they were outside in front of the church, and this lady was talking about this other woman's son, and fists starting flying.  Not only was the mama's fighting the other lady's husband jumped in.

Lord have mercy, If that's how church is supposed to be, we need much PRAYER, FASTING, and DELIVERANCE!

Acts 2:38
apostolic_lady05

[3rd-Day]

Man ya'll still going, A-ight!!!  If on Communion Sunday you bring some jelly to church to put on your cracker , youz a ghetto christian.

[lilmanofgod]

Might as well get mines in lol...

This is ghetto:
-you dont have a praise team director so ur pastor who cant sing sings lead
-(put me in Eb) when the shoutin music start u start colvotin when it stop u suddenly stop movin
-on sunday mrnin u get in the mirror and practice some new shout moves ( i do that sometimes :lol: )
-U say "Sing girl" when u kno doggone well they sound a mess
-U tell the deaconess "o ur hair looks nice" when u kno that that weave is a hot mess
-U got the loudest shiniest biggest tambourine in the church
-U only play ur tamborine when they shout and when they shout after beatin the tambourine up u throw it down and shout
-U tell ur neighbor in the pew to hold ur hat while u shout
-Ur preacher cant seem to preach in ONE key
-U celebratin ur 15th anniversary at the same school building u been at for fifteen years
-U have Jay-Z and Lil Wayne blastin on the highway but when u get close to the church u turn "Jesus Will Fix It" and then got the nerve  to shout in the parkin lot when uget done parkin
-U say HALLELUJUAH AMEN when the pastor says "one last vers"
-U kno that the song the choir is singin is a "shoutin" song (yall kno wut i mean i.e. Lord Do It) so u put ur shoutin shoes on ( COGIC church thats ery sunday
-Its ghetto jus to have shoes that u call "shoutin shoes"
-U got a 1987 Nissan car but u alwayz got the latest Gucci, Burberry, and Louis Vuitton
-Ur children shoes are holey (not holy) but u alwayz got the latest fashion
-U get a car note for a brand new Mercedes SLK 500 and say look wut the lord has done 8O (will it still b god when the snatchman come lol)
-During praise and worship u lookin at the single womens hands to make sure they aint got no ring (shame men)
-Heres one for the ladies: U attend ery single conference ery church singles get together to meet that fine man (shame shame shame)
-u hold one finger up to leave the service early :lol:

I got a whole list so ima stop here but if theres an organist in herr put me in Ab so i can shout rite quik

[lilmanofgod]

keep it comin yall this is funny

[beantownborn]

Y'all are too funny! I'm at work with the silent hard laugh.  Please keep 'em comin'!

[LadyWiz]

Might as well get mines in lol...

This is ghetto:
-you dont have a praise team director so ur pastor who cant sing sings lead
-(put me in Eb) when the shoutin music start u start colvotin when it stop u suddenly stop movin
-on sunday mrnin u get in the mirror and practice some new shout moves ( i do that sometimes :lol: )
-U say "Sing girl" when u kno doggone well they sound a mess
-U tell the deaconess "o ur hair looks nice" when u kno that that weave is a hot mess
-U got the loudest shiniest biggest tambourine in the church
-U only play ur tamborine when they shout and when they shout after beatin the tambourine up u throw it down and shout
-U tell ur neighbor in the pew to hold ur hat while u shout
-Ur preacher cant seem to preach in ONE key
-U celebratin ur 15th anniversary at the same school building u been at for fifteen years
-U have Jay-Z and Lil Wayne blastin on the highway but when u get close to the church u turn "Jesus Will Fix It" and then got the nerve  to shout in the parkin lot when uget done parkin
-U say HALLELUJUAH AMEN when the pastor says "one last vers"
-U kno that the song the choir is singin is a "shoutin" song (yall kno wut i mean i.e. Lord Do It) so u put ur shoutin shoes on ( COGIC church thats ery sunday
-Its ghetto jus to have shoes that u call "shoutin shoes"
-U got a 1987 Nissan car but u alwayz got the latest Gucci, Burberry, and Louis Vuitton
-Ur children shoes are holey (not holy) but u alwayz got the latest fashion
-U get a car note for a brand new Mercedes SLK 500 and say look wut the lord has done 8O (will it still b god when the snatchman come lol)
-During praise and worship u lookin at the single womens hands to make sure they aint got no ring (shame men)
-Heres one for the ladies: U attend ery single conference ery church singles get together to meet that fine man (shame shame shame)
-u hold one finger up to leave the service early :lol:
I got a whole list so ima stop here but if theres an organist in herr put me in Ab so i can shout rite quik

lilmanofgod ~ you is sho nuff a hot mess!  And don't you know that putting up that finger is important?  It's like a cloaking device and it makes one invisible as one is making their exit!  :lol:

[SisterT]

You are a ghetto Christian if you pray and thank God that "your bed wasn't your cooling board nor your blanket your winding sheet " don't know what da heck a cooling board and winding sheet is.  :lol:

You are a ghetto Christian if your Sunday morning worship outfit doubles as your "clubbin' gear".  :lol:

You know you are a ghetto Christian if you look like a busted can of biscuits in the above described outfit!  :lol:  Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you got to wear it! LOL!!  :lol:

[jjblack]

No, you know your church is ghetto when:

When your church has four different kinds of hymnals (red, blue, green, and that ugly white one) and you have to guess what page the song is on and when you flip to the front..... it has the name of the church down the street stamped in it....

When the cloth pews have old jherri curl juice stains on the top and glitter on the seat... Then the kid sleep on the pew next to you has an accident and the pee stain starts spreading towards you.. Hey! watch it! this is my new purple Easter suit and pee don't look good on the leg.

When the ushers eight button suit only got six buttons left... The same usher who takes bets as for whose wig will fall off first when the shouting starts...

The bad kid in front of you is laying on the floor eating cheerios out of a baggie while drawing a picture of Moses parting the red sea on the hardwood floor in crayon.. Moma says he got a gift....

The pastor has the biggest rims in the parking lot on his pink Caddie....

You got an old deacon that forgets what he was testifying about and starts singing a song he forgot the words to..


I gotta question why all church fans got a funeral home on the back....

Anybody got that church fan with a family from the eighties prayin on the front by a stain glass window....

I'm collecting them like trading cards and that's the only one I'm missing!

[ApostolicFemale]

Ghetto Christians...let's go to straight THE Ghetto Apostolics...
The one's who don't have any stocking so they put on...HOL UP...GHETTO MICHIGAN SAINTS...

THE ONES WHO DONT HAVE ANY STOCKINGS SO THEY GRAB SOME VASELINE AND SHINE UP...
OR

PUT ON SOME COTTON SOCKS AND BOOTS.

IT WAS COLDER THAN YOU EXPECTED SO YOUR CHOIR ROBE DOUBLES AS A FULL LENGTH COAT AFTER SINGING AS A GUEST CHOIR AT A CHURCH.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR, SO INSTEAD OF BEING EXTREMELY LATE, YOU PUT ON ANY SKIRT AND A T SHIRT CAUSE YOU GONE A HAVE A ROBE ON ANYWAY...AND DON'T LET THE DIRECTOR SAY WE CAN TAKE THE ROBES OFF AFTER WE SING... :oops: .....IN THE BALCONY WITH THE ROBE STILL ON.  :oops:


HOW BOUT THE MICHIGAN STATE COUNCIL HAS DWINDLED DOWN IN ATTENDANCE SO THE COUNCIL CHOIR HAS BECOME THE COUNCIL CORAL...THEN GROUP...THEN down to  a PRAISE TEAM!!!!!

YOU COULDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HAIR SATURDAY NIGHT, SO YOU CALL SHUNDA AND COME TO CHURCH WITH YOU HAIR, GEL, AND BOBBY PINS IN A BLACK PLASTIC BAG...YOU WALK IN THE LADY'S BATHROOM LOOKIN LIKE... OH MY GOOOD- MESS, AND COME OUT LIKE YOU SPENT HOURS AT THE SHOP.

HOW ABOUT....YOU THINK YOU ARE SINGING IN YOUR CHOIR ROBE FOR SERVICE, BUT FIND OUT YOU HAVE TO USHER, AND REPLY..."OH LORD ALL MY T***** ALL OUT!! AND YA CALL IN CERTAIN SISTERS TO HELP YOU PIN YOUR JACKET CAUSE YOU AINT GOT ON NO SHELL UNDER YOUR SUIT....

HOW ABOUT THE DEACON THAT'S BRINGING IN PAPER GOODS FOR THE DINNER AFTER SUNDAY MORNING SERVICE AND COMES TO THE BACK DOOR OF THE SANCTUARY AND BANGS ON IT DURING SERVICE CAUSE IT'S LOCKED...

HOW ABOUT THIS...YOU HAVE TO HAVE  CHURCH SECURITY WATCHING THE CARS IN THE BACK CAUSE SOMEONE'S CAR GOT STOLEN ONE NIGHT DURING SERVICE...(yeah it is Detroit, but still fun t, and GHETTO)

....WHAT'S UP WITH BUYING YOUR HAIR AND CLOTHES FROM THE SAME STORE...?

[3rd-Day]

Brothers that think they slick. They wear one black sock and one dark blue sock thinking nobody will notice that they mix match.

Sisters that get to church and realized that they forgot their prayer caps so they borrow some bobby pins and pin a piece of tissue to the top of they hair.

If your church van still has "Chico's Cab Service" written on the side of it.

Choir members that think that their robes are too sanctified to take to the cleaners.  So they got the whole choir stand smellin like one sock and a onion.

[3rd-Day]

HOW ABOUT THE DEACON THAT'S BRINGING IN PAPER GOODS FOR THE DINNER AFTER SUNDAY MORNING SERVICE AND COMES TO THE BACK DOOR OF THE SANCTUARY AND BANGS ON IT DURING SERVICE CAUSE IT'S LOCKED

       

[ApostolicFemale]

OK...I CANT SEEM TO LET IT GO.....SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW 'IF' THIS IS GHETTO...

IS IT GHETTO...OR JUST WRONG...

When your organist gets off the organ and is practically sitting on your lap..?(keyboardist)

When the drummer is playing with taped up sticks...NO, not the black tape, Scotch tape?

Is it ghetto when after a preacher is finished preaching, he goes into the office and comes out into the hallway greeting people in a T-shirt, eating an apple?

Is it ghetto when the preacher has on pajama pants under his robe?

Now, is it ghetto when the musician has a 2 liter of pop next to the keyboard with a cup?

Is it ghetto when the musician/choir director transposes and forgets to UN-traspose for the choir song, and seeing that the song leader is obviously struggling more than usual with this song, looks at the keyboard and without restarting the song, or warning the choir, transposes to the correct key?

Is it ghetto when the organist's mistress walks into the church and sits at the organ with them, and the wife walks out crying?..OR IS THE JUST WRONG? :roll:

Is it ghetto when the organist jumps off the organ, takes 2 laps around the church, comes back and says, "girl my ankle hurt"?

Is it ghetto when someone is shouting and..the ushers or the other helpers use paper towel to cover cleavage?

IS it ghetto when someone that's kinda hardoe gets to shoutin and after they are finished they say "d-word, I wanna do all that s-word"...and the someone is A FEMALE?


 :?:

[Da1witdastix]

this is somethin i seen at churches in VA..

it's ghetto when yo preacher is preaching and listen to the redskin game

it's ghetto when u playin the piano and the string pop up and the old rev in the head

when some1 is gettin the holy ghost, some1 call and the pick u "yo i shoutin i call u back"

i went to this church da pastor was lying hands on ppl and say somethin to them and they pass out...i ask a brotha why u past out like that. "his breath stank!!"

it ghetto when u at a funeral and there a loud lady in there and when the preacher say the man name she like WHO?! AW LAWD I'M N THE WRONG PLAce

the preacher was preaching and said somethin bout shay-shot-ray-got-a-billygoat

i think it wrong if yo pastor is pulling bussiness cards out of his pocket and u see a night club flyer......

my church is ghetto cuz every song my youth choir sing it got a hip-hop and r&b remix in it...

is the WHOLE CHURCH is doing the Chicken Head, heel-toe, and lead withit rocket withit....

if yo church have a "thug day" and have a shirt say i am a thug for jesus and jesus is my pimp and i am his Ho*

if yo church freestyle in the middle of service-makin up songs as u go..

if u do the chi chi slide and the elictra slide.

of yo drummer play wit his hands or anythin otha then stick

if ur deacon try to bank yo preach treases thats just wrong

if Noxema and Aquafina to cousin start fight in the the back cuz 1 try to tlk to the otha boy friend

YO CHURCH IS G.H.E.T.T.O